DIRECTIONS
Mill the pilsner malt and set aside 10 percent by weight, or about 14 oz (400 g). In 2 gallons (7.6 liters of water), add the smaller portion of pils to the rice and do a cereal mash: Stirring frequently avoid scorching, raise to 209°F (98°C), and hold here for 20 minutes while continuing to stir. (I can only imagine a paint mixer would do the job, but it sounds like a pain in the butt. Maybe have your friend hold down the paint mixer while you mash in.)

Using 2 more gallons of water, mash in at 97°F (36°C), then combine with the hot rice porridge to bring the total mash to 144°F (62°C)—cooler is fine, but then raise it to that step. Rest 60 minutes; raise to 154°F (68°C) and rest 30 minutes; then raise to 162°F (72°C) and rest 15 minutes. Give it a stir and use iodine to check for conversion.

If it passes, mash out: Recirculate until the runnings are clear, then run off into the kettle. Sparge and top up as needed to get about 6.5 gallons (25 liters), depending on your evaporation rate. Boil for 70 minutes, adding hops and extract according to the schedule. After the boil, do a whirlpool step: Stir or recirculate to create a vortex, add whirlpool hops, and allow 20 minutes to steep. Chill to about 50°F (10°C), aerate, and a healthy yeast starter (or re-pitch from a recent lager brew). Allow a free-rise to 64°F (18°C) and ferment until complete, about 5–7 days. Add dry hops for 3 days, or it until [it passes VDK]. Crash, rack to secondary, fine for clarity, package, and carbonate.

BREWER’S NOTES
Grains: Any two-row North American pilsner malt is fine for the base. If you must, swap out the ricemeal for flakes or syrup (thus avoiding the cereal mash but arguably ending up with a simpler beer).
Dry hop: We bung, raise the CO2 pressure to 15 psi, then dry hop.